So. I’ve been trying to get a blog post out of me during the last couple of weeks *cough MONTHS* but I’ve always ended up erasing what I’ve written. All in all, they’ve all been about my depression. I’ve been in a low during the summer, due to a change of medication that started with phasing out my SSRI’s and then phasing in SNRI’s. If you care what they’re about you should go to Wikipedia and find out, their information is well edited.
As I’m writing this, I’ve just gotten home from my third exercise this semester (my martial arts centre keeps a school friendly calendar). I’m soaked in my own, and probably some other men and women’s, sweat. I’m alone in the flat, and I feel relaxed, perhaps for the first time this summer. I know, late august in Sweden is more like autumn, but hey, I don’t need a scarf or gloves when driving to work – that’s summer for me. The relaxed feeling is so scarce to me, that it actually frightens me a bit.
Not to delve too deeply in this subject, but I’ve been suffering of a depression and social anxiety for a couple of years now, and have been treated since – I don’t know, perhaps 5 years. I’ve finally been remitted to a specialist that wants to do a neuropsychological survey of me, which could prove the occurrence of a syndrome within the autism spectrum. The doctor mentioned Aspergers syndrome, which (at least Swedish psychiatrists) doesn’t want to use as a label any more. This feels great, to me! I’ve finally gotten around to accepting my quirks and oddities.
Between the exercise, the medication, all going well at work and in my private life, I shouldn’t be able to be happier. But I’m not quite there yet. There are days during which I wonder why I keep on. When I think that everything will go downhill from here. [Hey! If you feel that these feelings are recognisable and totally relates to you, see a specialists! It’s easier than you’d think to talk to a neutral part that looks at you in a biochemical way.] But all in all, I know that things are going the right direction.
Heck, I’ve even gotten comfortable enough to actually write this story on my openly available blog. Albeit not a very well read blog, but hey, It’s a start.
This post is a bit longer than it ought to be, but I still need to write why I got around to post this, and that was largely due to Cara Santa Maria openly speaking about her difficulties on the podcast “The Skeptics’ Guide to the Galaxy”. You hear it all around you, if you chose to listen, but when she, that has the most amazing and epidemic laughter of all people, shared it without a thought, and without a heavy discussion about it, I thought it was time for me.
Now, I urge you to listen to the podcast mentioned, if you haven’t already. And with that said, I’m off to the shower.
Today’s photo: a decomposing leaf. I’m longing for the autumn!